An explanation. A reason. A clue as to what has been going on.
These are all things that I feel I owe you all... a small few know that my life has changed drastically in the last couple of years and the reason that I kept it from social media is because I was going through it and life was rapidly changing and I didn't feel at the time that I owed anyone an explanation. Now that some time has passed and life has moved forward (all for the better), I feel like I have a moment to sit down, breathe and say a few words.
In large part, I went through a breakup and divorce in 2015-2016. It was unexpected and it was all-encompassing and entirely painful. I was a stay-at-home mom with two small children and I had no idea what was going to become of my life. I was scared, afraid and very alone. The grief and loss was insurmountable and I didn't know how I was going to get my daughters and myself through it.
Fast-forward to finding a job, the biggest saving grace of my journey. I returned to work with the help of friends and my church family, who offered to help me with childcare. I was tired, exhausted and emotionally numb. But I kept going, kept showing up to work, and eventually found my place in the world.
I've been back at work almost 2 years now and I wouldn't change it for anything. I am a social worker working with children and families and it's challenging work but meaningful work. It has pushed me back outside of the comfort zone I had become accustomed to and I also found the best group of women in my coworkers and they are my family now.
I had resolved myself to be alone, that I would not find anyone and would not look for anyone until my girls were older and had planned to focus all my attention and time on them alone. My best friend was concerned about this (and she should've been :P) and challenged me to go on three dates and see if I couldn't find someone or at least believe in love again.
The first date was fine, a nice guy who was kind but not quite for me. The second date was Isaac, my now-husband. It was instant, it was all at once and it was not what I was expecting. I didn't believe I would get a second-chance at love and be able to share my life with someone and it happened when I was least expecting it. We've been married over a year now and in addition to my amazing husband I also got two amazing sons, my sweet boys.
We are a Brady Bunch sort of crew, making it work and blending our families. Is it complicated at times? Yes. Is it challenging at times? Yes. It is worth it? 100% yes.
What I realized through my journey of loss and then growth is that I am not responsible for another person's actions. I wasted a lot of time trying to fix things that were too broken and to change things that weren't able to be changed. Once I stopped and embraced my present, and I started living my life in today, I realized I was blessed beyond measure and that life was only going to get better.
I have four kids now, ages 4, 6, 8 and 10. I have a husband whom I adore and admire entirely. I have a job that is challenging and fulfilling and a group of friends who are loyal and true.
We have been VERY busy the last 4-5 months in the house-hunting and buying process. We moved into our new home (pictures will be coming soon) at the end of February and finally have enough room for our whole crew!
Long story short, life has had hurdles but has had more blessings that I can count. I am thankful, I am happy and I am healthier in heart and spirit than I have ever been in my entire life.
I want to share this for those of you who wanted to know what has been going on, why I am not here as much and also for those of you who are struggling with a broken situation. YOU are not broken and YOU are not defined by your circumstance or how someone else sees you. YOU are worth it and YOU are infinitely stronger than you think.
When things are tough, keep pushing through. Keep fighting for yourself and believe in the process of change.
In terms of coming back to BookTube, I am considering it. I am MUCH more busy than I was previously and I read less, work more and have a lot more people to balance in my life. I am working on a schedule and what I feel might be possible. I have heard you guys asking for me to come back and I can't tell you how good that makes me feel! I have missed you all so much and I am glad to be coming back into the community.
I love you all!
xo, Shannon
